Being a priest wife in the Eastern Churches; the case of Lebanon
The role of the priest's wife
A priest's wife does not necessarily share her husband's calling. Her role is hard to deduce from Scripture. The texts of reference are Biblical stories or the principles inferred from the Law books and concerned with wives as a whole. In the 21st century a priest's wife is seen as a free agent. She does not have to hold a pastoral position or to be involved in pastoral service. She has the same rights and the same freedom of choice as any other church member. As a woman and a wife, her vocation, in the Eastern Churches, entails being a housewife and a mother. Her chief responsibility is thus the good care of her husband and family.
It is worth pointing out that a priest's wife is given a specific title. In Arabic, for instance, she is addressed as Khouria, feminine of the word khoury, the word derived from the Greek kyrios, meaning “lord” or “master” and used for "priest". In Russian Matushka, literally meaning "mama", is used, in Greek it is Presbytera and in Armenian Yeretzgin. These names alone are an indication that the woman who accepts to marry a priest won't be just her husband's wife. The position of priest's wife is loaded with consequences for her home and her life. She may become a mere extension of her husband, struggling to assert herself as a person other than just the priest's wife.
Difficulties and constraints faced by a priest's wife
Academic research in the USA has shown that stress levels were higher among clergy wives than among ministers themselves. were higher among clergy wives than among ministers themselves. Indeed women married to physicians, politicians, priests or military personnel are usually subjected to stress factors resulting from such careers. The emotional development of family members may be hindered as a result and interfamilial relationships perturbed. Several stress inducers have been identified by a range of researchers: loneliness, financial difficulties, time constraints relating to the husband's ministry, lack of privacy and the Church's expectations and demands. It has also been shown that priests' wives are often beset by the confusion, ambiguity and conflicts of their roles.
In order better to understand the experience of priests' wives a survey was undertaken in which twenty women married to Maronite priests from every part of Lebanon were asked to answer a questionnaire. The majority of the women questioned find more advantages than hindrances to their lives and more blessings than problems. In their view, their lives show that they are where God wants them to be, that they are an efficient help, a much-needed support and a great blessing to their husbands. Many women are in employment; they may be catechists or parish assistants, teachers, nurses, journalists, office workers or housewives. However the questionnaire delved into the difficulties or drawbacks highlighted by specialists who had studied the question. The respondents were invited to sort these data according to their importance in their life and to add their comments. This is the outcome:
a) The husband's withdrawal into his multiple parish obligations
b) Financial concerns
c) Expectations and demands made of the priest's wife and children
d) Dearth of private life
e) Want of friends
a) The husband's withdrawal into his multiple parish obligations
A priest's work is not restricted to Sunday mass. His roles, functions, missions and responsibilities are numerous. Priests are most of the time overworked. What is more, they are very busy when people in paid employment are free, in the evening and at weekends. The demands of ministry, the multiple pastoral activities can drive a wedge in the intimacy and togetherness of married life and lead to a lack of mutual support resulting in coldness, anger, frustration, anxiety, depression and sexual deprivation.
b) Financial concerns
Financial difficulties are the source of many problems for couples and clergy couples are no exception. A priest's family is exposed to relatively important financial pressures since, in most cases, priests don't earn much. As a rule, priests are remunerated by the diocese from funds raised from the faithful. Free housing is made available to the incumbent priest in the clergy house[1], which is also his working place; he is, like all other citizens, subject to taxations, insurance, utility bills, the maintenance costs of his car, subsistence and clothing expenses for him and his family... The financial insecurity caused by an income barely permitting a decent living standard leads to stresses in the priest's family. This often inadequate income sometimes compels priests' wives to work full time in order to meet family needs.
c) Expectations and demands made of the priest's wife and children
It would appear that in the 21st century like in earlier times, there is a rule for the priest's family and another for lay families. The expectations made of the priest's wife and family are significant. The faithful expect her to be a peerless housewife, fully able to control her children during mass – better than anybody else. She is to cope with her husband's salary without a grumble and to have no trouble managing all her duties, within and without the home. She is to set a perfect example to the community – her every move judged. Such is, at any rate, the public scrutiny felt by respondents .
d) The dearth of private life
The priest's family is often housed hard by the church in the clergy house[2] . Given that it is seen as a public good, some parishioners think they can drop into the priest's home when they please. In some cases, the house is also used for all sorts of gatherings, meals, formal meetings and other activities. These situations are the occasion of further pressure on the wives, traditionally primarily responsible for the good running of the home and for the children's behaviour. A current trend has seen priests acquire their own house with the result that they no longer live near the church, thus marking the separation between their pastoral and their family life.
e) The want of friends
The survey also suggests that the twenty women contacted saw their distinct social status as an obstacle to making friends and maintaining friendly relations with members of the church.
A priest's wife, in the churches that allow this situation is no mere spouse. She is companion, faithful collaborator, Christian mother. Her husband's profession affects her in a specific way as, within Christianity, his vocation is rated more highly than a job and the faithful no doubt watch her more than others. With her own special title comes a special mission to fulfil the role traditionally assigned to her as housewife and mother – let alone her role as a professional woman.
This case study would deserve to be extended with the collection of more testimonies from priest's wives, but also with some research conducted with the priests themselves and with their flocks. This would help to refine the description of the relations and representations of the diverse parties concerned and to analyse recent trends.
